wandering mind

When the world wearies and society fails to satisfy, there is always the garden. — Minnie Aumonier This half barrel planter has been my herb garden for the past four summers. A mismatch of a few odd, not so perfect things, just like me. An unruly lavender plant that somehow survived last winter in its tiny pot. A reincarnated mint, occupying a slightly different spot in the barrel this time around. A solar light that I stole from the front yard that soaks up the sun all day long and casts gleeful patterns on the tender herb leaves after sundown. A purple solar powered globe with a glass mosaic that used to light up when it was younger. Now it just reflects the light that shines on it — probably should be discarded, but I am not done with it yet. I have trouble letting go of old friends. It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presences may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought. ~ James Douglas ...

Yes there is fear. Yes there is isolation. Yes there is panic buying. Yes there is sickness. Yes there is even death. But, They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise You can hear the birds again. They say that after just a few weeks of quiet The sky is no longer thick with fumes But blue and grey and clear. They say that in the streets of Assisi People are singing to each other across the empty squares, keeping their windows open so that those who are alone may hear the sounds of family around them. They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound. Today a young woman I know is busy spreading fliers with her number through the neighbourhood So that the elders may have someone to call on. Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples are preparing to welcome and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting All over the world people are looking at their neig...

Why is grief not a slope that diminishes into nothing? Why is it a wave? Why does it come and go? Like an ocean wave. Barely nudging you sometimes. But other times knocking you off your feet. This was the last time we were together and so happy. I was not ready to lose you.  I know you were not ready to go.  We had made plans to grow old together.  There were so many things we had planned for the near future and the far future.  And now what?

Bella and I have had a rocky relationship from day one. From the beginning, I found her a little bit too loud and obnoxious. But she did get the job done. However, I kept thinking that she needs to be replaced by someone more elegant. What's with all that snorting noises. Bella Please!! But, I couldn't get rid of her. Bella is this new coffee maker that I bought and before I could return her, someone recycled the box she came in. So now I am learning to live with her. She makes a lot of noise while brewing - almost like popcorn popping and it drives me insane. Like she is grumbling because I woke her up from a deep slumber and asked her to make coffee. But the coffee that comes out is pretty good. And she does come with many programmable options that I will explore once I get over the general nuisance that is her existence. But maybe it's about perspective? Maybe she is not grumbling and is, in fact, calling for a celebration - look you are alive and your day is ...

Everyone around me is setting goals for 2018. I too have been thinking about it for a while. During one of these pondering sessions an interesting thought popped up in my head : It doesn't matter how much money you make, what matters is that you feel like you have enough. I have always felt like that. Well not always. Not when I was making minimum wage at 16. But ever since I have had a professional job, I have always felt like there has been enough. I think one of the unspoken goal that I have is to leave enough money for the kids. But why do I have that desire. I made my own life. Don't I trust them to make their own? If I take that out of the equation then I feel like I have arrived. Life is pretty awesome as is. I have enough and I am surrounded by friends and family that I love. This is enough. Thank you universe! Gratitude!!

The spirit of small town really comes alive during the mother's day festival. Mom and pop shops and small restaurants line up the main street in our town. It is the day before mother's day - a perfect time for last minute mother's day gifts. I don't exactly remember which year it was, but kids were still young enough to be excited about this festival. I do remember that I was training for a marathon and Saturdays used to be the long run days. So this particular year I didn't make it to the festival. But kids went with their dad. They picked this for me among other things. I have always loved this. It used to sit in my office at work when I used to have a regular 9-5. Now it graces my desk in my home office.  

The year was 1990 - I had been married for a few months. I had taken a break from college. When I got married my aunt said that I should take a few months off and spend it doing nothing. She said it would be the best time of my life. I didn't really believe her. But I did it anyways. My college used to have quarters - and I took off two quarters and spent it traveling around India.  My husband had just finished his Masters in Civil Engineering - Offshore Engineering to be exact. So he was looking for a job. And I was about a year away from completing my Bachelors in Electronics Engineering. There were about a 1000 people at my wedding. I knew maybe about a 100 of them. We got a lot of cash. Enough to fund our travels and food and shelter for next several months. So that's what we did. I distinctly remember this evening in New Delhi. We had gone to Sector 8 market to pick up some groceries. As we were walking back, it was dark, maybe around 8pm. I saw this old women sitt...

Conference had ended and it was four chaotic and hectic days that started at 8 am and ended way after midnight.  It was the last day and I wanted to explore some more of San Francisco. I have been coming for several years, and I still love this city. My coworker and I couldn't agree on what we wanted to do. He suggested that we could see a movie, but we couldn't agree on a movie. And honestly, I didn't want to be inside of a movie theater - I would rather walk aimlessly in the city. We decided to part ways, he was going to a bar to watch football. And I decided  to see the Japanese Tea Garden. I was mapping out my route from union square to the gardens. I could change a couple of buses and get there for about $5. But it would take two hours. I called my husband and told him it was probably not worth it. He asked me why I am making it so complicated, why can't I just take a cab. What!! Why didn't I think of that. $27 uber ride got me to the gardens. It was hug...

Those were some very happy years. I had developed a sister like friend at work. We worked so well with each other, maybe extreme programming was designed after us. Any programming problem thrown at us, we could solve in no time - if left alone. We were inseparable. People used to joke that we are married. We used to go on walks at lunch time. Sometimes we will pick up hummus and olive tapenade and crusty bread from Trader Joes and have a picnic lunch at our desk. Sometimes we would sneak a glass of wine at lunch and come back all giggly and trying to be serious. Thursday in summers were Farmers market days - and you had to plan to be there early if you wanted the fougasse bread from the baker. He used to always run out by noon. Happy times. One day she walked in with a small segment of a plant - she put it in a paper cup with water on my desk. This was taken from her grand mother's plant. She loved her grandma more than life itself. Unfortunately, grandma had passed aw...

In this age of depleting resources and overflowing landfills, any idea of reuse is so welcome and needed. Making new from the old. This time while in India, my mother in law gave me this table runner that is made with old Saris. This is made at the vocational training center for Women, empowering women with skills to make them self sufficient. Old saris are cut into strips, twisted into a yarn, and then  woven using a loom. They are made into table covers, runners, placemats. I found this article that describes it in detail. I love how it looks on my dining table. Its a little rough, a little imperfect, and so charming. Looking forward to weaving more memories with the family this holiday season, centered around this table.

It was a hot summer day when  +Meghana Singh  and I stepped into the pottery class. The building was very old, with narrow staircases. The narrow hallway was lined with the pots and mugs of all sorts and in various stages of existence. The room where we were to take our class had no air conditioning. There were fans running and windows open. It was a BYOB class, we forgot to bring our B - oh well. There were six students. The teacher was a young college student with a nose ring that was oh so pretty. She was majoring in ceramics. In an alternate life I might have done that. The feel of the clay on the hand felt like coming home to something. Like kneading dough for bread, but not quite. We shaped and messed up and reshaped out bowls many times. A slight press of the hand would thin out the wall of the bowl. A little harder press would create an unsightly lip. It was over soon. I wanted to do this all day. This was a multiple day process. The bowls will dry for t...

For next several days -leading up to Christmas, I will pick some random object around the house and write about how I got it and something that happened around that time. I am trying to keep up with  Magma Chronicles  and trying to write more often. I just came back from a trip around the globe. We went to India via London. I have been collecting ornaments from all the places I travel to. They are such happy things to collect. I picked this one from a gift shop under the Tower of London. I had a whole day of roaming around London with my husband. We hadn't done anything like this since before we had kids. It was a cold day so we decided that we will stop every so often to have a drink somewhere. The first place we stopped was the Pub on Thames - a big ship docked on Thames which served as a bar and a restaurant. I was so cold that I ordered two shots of whiskey. Of course my wise husband thought it was too soon, too fast. It was only 11 am. So we settled on one and a half...

I was a little apprehensive about staying in a small town in the suburbs of London. I imagined it similar to my little town in the suburbs of Washington DC. You have to drive everywhere you want to go. All the bars and restaurants close at 9. Good for daily routine, not ideal for vacations. I was so wrong. The little town of Ealing just stole my heart.

Overwhelmed with the love that is pouring in on my milestone birthday. I am so blessed and grateful to have all these people in my life. I feel so content - there is nothing I want to ask for. I am filled with gratitude. Thank you universe!

It was so nice to have Dia home for just one night.  Last night she asked me if she could have some milk. We had run out. This morning she wanted pancakes, we had run out of eggs. Then she wanted to make a naan pizza - we had run out of sauce and shredded cheese. She comments - this is not a kid friendly house anymore. I guess I need to grocery shop before kids come home. 

As I try to design my life the way I want to live it I am coming to a realization that change is easy, lasting change is the hard part. How do you keep it going?

This week I am away from home on a conference and as I sit in this clean hotel room where everything is in perfect order, I miss the chaos of my house. I miss the stuff every where, I miss my family, the shoes by the front door that no one takes the two seconds to put on the shelf, the dishes in the sink that wait for me to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, the piles of clean laundry. I used to not care about clutter. I clearly remember when I had a clean clothes pile and a dirty clothes pile and how well that system worked. I didn't understand what my mom's problem was. She was always bothered by my clutter, Fast forward 20 years.I have become my mom. I am always yelling at someone to pick up their stuff. Or picking it up myself and mumbling about kids these days. But I miss my home. I want to be wrapped around in it like a comfortable sweater. My imperfect home is the perfect place for me.

I have been working with some like minded people on things like vision statement and goal settings. One of the exercises this week was to create your personal principles - things that you want to live by and don't want to compromise on. This is what I came up with.

We are a family of engineers. I am an engineer, and so is my dad. I married an engineer. His dad happened to be one as well. So imagine our surprise when our daughter decided to be a theater major. Especially since she is really good at math and science. How I made my peace with that is a topic for another discussion. So we were sitting in a family gathering and discussing how my daughter got almost 100% in calculus.  A relative who knew my father in law really well noted that it must come from my daughter’s grandfather. I almost wanted to raise my hand like a little kid and say, “but, but, I also almost always got 100% in Math…” but I didn’t want to take the conversation there. I have tremendous respect for my father in law. He might be one of the most brilliant person I know. Then my daughter chimes in “I think I get it from my mom” My heart filled with something warm and fuzzy

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice — though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voice behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do — determined to save the only life that you could save. Mary Oliver