wandering mind

I took my time this year and didn't make the rushed January 1st resolutions. I have decided 2017 to be the year of slowing down. The year of saying no to things that I do on auto pilot. The year of not rushing to say yes to any exciting things that comes my way. The year of introspection. The year of reading less stuff on the internet and spending more time knitting, drawing, painting, sketching, gardening, writing, reading. The year of decluttering my environment and my mind. The year of deep breaths in, deep breaths out. The year of reconnecting with yoga. The year of meditation.

The bright green grass of not too distant summer is littered with the brown of the fall to come. The crunch of the leaves on the sidewalk releases memories of the years gone by. And suddenly I have this craving for a long afternoon walk with you. But you are no longer here. I miss you. Of all the days, today, I miss you. Wish you were here. Wish we were walking and talking of baking butternut squash with honey glaze and of roasted vegetables with balsamic vinegar. Of the good value red wine we recently discovered. Little things that were taken for granted, as if they will last forever. But they didn't.

I haven't been here back in ages. It is a weird kind of feeling coming back. I sort of had put this life on hold, but the rest of this universe kept humming along. So much has happened since I last wrote here. One of my daughters started college last year. One night her and her roommate sat and read most of my old blogposts. She asked why I stopped writing and told me how much they enjoyed it. Why did I stop writing? I got too caught up in driving kids to all the afterschool activities while commuting two plus hours to work everyday. Then there was dinner and laundry. It was so much easier to hit the like button on facebook posts. Things are slowing down again. Nest is half empty - to be completely empty next year. And I miss the deep conversations on the blogspot platform. Would I be able to connect again?  

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." ~ Dr. Seuss

I went to a tea party yesterday with my daughter. My daughter had gone to a leadership camp over the summer that had a reunion get together yesterday. They invited some women leaders from our county and honored them for their accomplishments and contributions. I met some great people. One of them said something that is lingering in my thoughts till today. Well it wasn't anything new. I believe Socrates had said it ages ago - "Love what you do and you will never work a day in your life" Do I love what I do? I used to. This IT world used to be very intriguing. Writing software is like working on puzzles. Then what happened? Project Management? Babysitting people and taking care of egos and conflicts. I think deep down I still like the software development aspect of it - the geek in me has be to alive somewhere. I need to rekindle this romance.

I went for a walk at lunch time. Sidewalk turned into a trail and path was narrow for a while. I saw two boys coming from the opposite direction riding their bikes. They must be around 10-12 years old. I got off the trail into the grassy part so that they can pass through. One of them smiled at me and gave the slightest nod of the head to thank. I was warmed by his gentlemanly manners. Who says next generation has no respect? I beg to differ :)

gold sun pouring through garnet plum leaves a blissful summer morning tuck away this moment to be recalled to warm some grey winter morning